I am always being warned by my friends about the hazards of approaching strangers in public (especially men) but although there are some weirdoes most people are interesting, interested and welcoming. This was indeed the case in the Bank of China in XinJieKou at the beginning of March. I spotted a Sikh gentleman queuing up to be served and observed his smart attire and bright white turban. Now I have always had a fondness for Indians having taught some and so was curious about what he was doing in Nanjing. So I went up to him and started talking to him. He was very friendly and gave me his business card and said he owned a couple of Joint Venture companies here and that he was in town for a few days, maybe we could meet up for a drink.
Now, don’t take me for a fool, I would never meet up with any stranger in any place which was not a busy public space. So after several emails we decided that I should go to his hotel in the Friday evening and then we would get a coffee. The time came and because of an error on Google Map’s bus routes I arrived quite late and stressed. In the lobby of the hotel sat Parminder patiently waiting for me.
The first thing he asks is “Do you mind if I take my turban off?”. Not being very familiar with Sikh culture and etiquette I was unsure what significance taking off one’s turban held. Acting cool, I replied that it was fine.
“Come up to me room while I take it off”.
“No it’s OK, I’ll wait here for you”
Consider this – he had hours before I arrived to take his turban off so why did he decide to wait until I arrived?
He tried again “It won’t take long, just come upstairs and I will quickly take it off”.
“No, really I am fine here, you go upstairs and I will wait here for you”.
So off he goes and I start thinking “Oh no, what have I done. Maybe he has read too much into this meeting and maybe I have been a bit naïve about meeting a man late at night in a hotel lobby”
However, I wait and wonder what his hair looks like. I have seen “The English Patient” and remember the bit where the nurse secretly watches the gorgeous Sikh take off his turban and wash his hair and wonder if it’s that nice. And down he comes, his mid-length straggly hair disappointing and nothing like the film.
So anyway we walk down the street and into a café, we order some snacks and a beer each. We talk a little about business but he’s keen to talk about the fact that he was once a “Sikh Holy Man” and is devout although I was not completely taken in by this.
As the evening was drawing to a close, I stood up to go and he suggested that instead of taking a cab home I was welcome to stay in his hotel room.
“No, it’s OK thanks, my house isn’t very far away”
“But it would be easy for you to stay in my room, it’s only up the road”
“No, really, it’s just as easy for me to get a taxi”
Reluctantly he gave up and we parted with a promise to meet the next day. However, you might have guessed that I had no intention to meet him the next day but just wanted an easy “get out”.
Saturday came and a text in the morning “Darling Sian, can’t wait to see you later. Don’t keep me waiting too long”. Then after a short while another text and then another all on the same theme. I ignored all but then he called and I thought to myself if I don’t answer the phone he will keep ringing and ringing. So I answered the phone and said I was busy all day so couldn’t meet up. It was then that he suggested that I go over in the evening and share a both tub with him. That would relax me. I declined politely. Then I decided that I should write him an email explaining that I was not able to provide him the sort of relationship that he was looking for and that I was not interested in sharing a bath tub him. I’m sure there are many girls around NJ who can help you find what you are looking for but I am not one of them. It was a well-written, polite but firm email which left him in no doubt that our brief encounter was over. I pressed the send button and sat back – hopefully I had heard the last of him. However, the next morning I was surprised to receive more loving and suggestive emails and was perplexed. Had he not checked his emails? Did he not understand the message? I couldn’t think what had gone wrong. I ignore the texts.
Then later that day I was surprised to receive an email from an old student of mine, Palwinder. She was pleased to hear from me after such a long absence but, yes you can guess the rest, she was surprised to learn that I did not want to share a bath tub with and did not want a sexual relationship with her.
Mystery solved I then resent the email to Parminder. Shortly afterwards I received the following email entitled “Advices on Belated Women’s day”
Sian
Seems you have a low self esteem, lack of confidence and undesired apprehensions. Even if I only consider your business approach it shows that you are a opportunist and selfish. I guess that impact of recessions has made you behave like that. I do not want a Nanjing girl or English woman. I only thought that you are a open person, a good company, a clean soul and someone to speak freely with for wound licking. I was worried for you when you were lost and finally took taxi to reach me.I was worried when you left at midnight and asked you to sms your safe arrival. I offered you to relax in bathtub as you said you were tired. But if you mean all what you write, then I only wish that you must learn from Chinese girls as how to develop self confidence like picking foreigner/strangers in the middle of the night from airport, travel late in cars till small hours, have dinners with drunk businessmen, even share the room with men to sleep in emergency and wake up clean and pure. You must understand that even most aggressive looking men are soft and gentle and they care a lot about their reputation. I have spent numerous nights with girls and women with respect in mind for them and for myself without having physical with any.
No hug, no kisses. You only need advices on belated women day.
Please acknowledge this email by email or sms and after that burn my visiting card, delete my emails, smses and addresses both from address books of mails and phones. You may like to keep me for a day or two in mind and there after you can forget me too. However you are a unique example for me to remember for quite some time.
GOD bless you.
Parminder
But he’s just the exception that proves my rule that you should pretty much always say “Yes” and I shall continue to do so.