Now don’t get me wrong, I think cartoons have their place; Walt Disney entertained us all in our childhood and others are entertaining today’s children but I do believe that cartoons are not made for adults – in fact cartoons should be kept on children’s TV channels and not be allowed to escape. Here in China I sometimes wonder whether are laws which prohibit anything to be sold without a cartoon on. To say that I hate cartoons, would be an understatement.
So it was with this in mind that I accepted an invitation from the organisers of the 2nd China International Cartoon and Animation Fair to represent the UK at the Grand Opening in Wuhu. In 1992 I led an expedition to South China and have kept in touch with some of the Chinese members; Wei is now China’s leading orchid expert, Lego is now no.2 chef at a 5 star hotel in Guilin and Zhang is the Special Assistant to the Mayor of Wuhu. No prizes for guessing which of my old friends secured me a free return flight from London, 5 star accommodation and VIP treatment at The Fair.
As it happens, the small market town where I live in England holds an annual cartoon festival to which people come from all over Europe. So as a gesture of friendship I got the Mayor of Shrewsbury to write a letter to the mayor of Wuhu wishing them luck with their festival. I don’t think a lot of people realise that the Mayor of a town in the UK is merely a ceremonial position held by the longest serving councillor. He has no power whatsoever and few people in the town will even know who the current Mayor is. But the Mayor of Wuhu will not know this. I persuaded the Mayor of Shrewsbury to stamp the letter with as many official stamps as he could lay his hands on, even using stamps for an authority which no longer existed.
So off I went with my letter from the Mayor, my best clothes and a large dollop of excitement at being a VIP for the first time in my life.
I was picked up at Shanghai airport by two nervous girls holding a banner “2nd China International Cartoon and Animation Fair”. The girls were overjoyed at finding me (I think their jobs depended on it!), took my bags and escorted me to the car. The English speaking one said “I have never met a VIP at the airport before so I don’t know if I am doing it right”. “You’re doing fine, don’t worry”. The driver informed me that we already late and we had a 4 hour drive to Wuhu. Luckily the car was air-conditioned so I sat back and tried to sleep. Three hours into the journey the girl sitting next to me was sick on the floor. I shouted for Mr Li to stop but he said we were late and we had to keep going. Great – so now the car smelled of vomit.
Arriving at the Crowne Plaza I was met by my old friend Zhang;
“You have missed the Gala dinner where you were to be the guest of honour”.
“I couldn’t have gone any faster” I complained (fine greeting)
“Take your bags to your room and come straight out again, you have to attend another dinner”
“I need to shower and change my clothes, I have just come off a 13hr flight and a 4hr drive I hour of which I had to sit next to a pile of sick.”
“Ok well don’t take longer than 20 minutes. People are waiting for you”
Well I don’t think I have ever moved so quickly – in and out of the shower, little black dress (well not so little as it has to go round me!), slap on a bit of make-up blow dry my hair and then ran back downstairs. In the end the dinner was quite informal and out in the countryside but I think they appreciated the effort I had gone to, especially the dress (lots of positive comments!)
The first emergency of the following day arose as I was getting dressed into my best set of clothes; an expensive Jaeger woollen skirt suit and very lovely “Thomas Pink” blouse. It quickly dawned on me that I had forgotten to bring my cuff links. My cuffs were therefore hanging down passed the ends of my fingers and I had no way of securing them into place. Angry with myself for my lack of preparation and panicking about what I could do, I went downstairs and asked everyone I could find including the receptionist whether they had a spare pair of cuff links – holding out my arms and my flapping sleeves to demonstrate the problem. Failing to find any, someone suggested that I should look in Walmart round the corner. They didn’t have any but I did find some clothes pegs which I thought might do the trick. So I purchased them, used a couple of the bright green ones and ran back to the hotel and was just in time to catch the VIP bus to the Fair.
Now, in China I have come to realise that you only get part of the facts – no-one ever tells you everything you need to know. So I didn’t know that I would have to walk up the red carpet, stand in a space allotted for the “UK expert” on an open-air stage with about 30 other people and listen to 1.5hrs of speeches in Chinese. It being October the weather was still warm and standing there in the heat with my woolen jacket on I was beginning to melt. Others around me were taking their jackets off but my doing so would expose the bright green pegs holding my cuffs together so I had no option than to stand therewith sweat pouring down my back, down my front and through my hair and for 1.5hrs.
I met three other Westerns at the Fair. One American who had been flown in from Hefei, another American who had come down by train from Beijing and a Spaniard who couldn’t speak English. The Americans told me that they had also been paid to come and neither of them had any connection with the cartoon or animation industry.
So this is China, a proud country with a rich history, a country racing to catch up with The West, the manufacturing powerhouse of the world, but a country which places so much value on the colour of my skin and the shape of my face that they are willing to fly me in from across the world just for the photos.